A sign in a church parking lot located in a busy downtown area read as follows: "We forgive those who trespass against us, but we also tow them." Nothing is more difficult than sincere forgiveness; nothing is more common than prolonged resentment and unwillingness to forgive.
Whenever we see civil wars or so-called religious conflicts, we are seeing the incapacity to forgive played out in all-too-human acts of inhumanity. Yet how can one forgive if the offender never asks for forgiveness or, worse still, if the offender unrepentantly continues to offend? What are the limits of a Christian’s willlingness and ability to forgive?
This was the question Peter asked: "Lord, how often am I to forgive my brother if he goes on wronging me? As many as seven times?" Jesus answers Peter with a riddle: "I do not say seven times but seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV). Nothing Jesus taught could be more radical than this, so he tells a parable to help his disciples make sense of it all.
In the "Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor," Jesus uses exaggeration for ironic effect. First, he tells about a king who has forgiven his vassal an enormously large sum. According to the Antiquities of the Jewish historian Josephus, the total tax revenue for Judea, Idumea, Samaria, Galilee, and Perea for one year amounted to 800 talents. The sum forgiven was 10,000 talents.
Secondly, Jesus exaggerates the mercilessness of this unforgiving man compared with the kindness of the king (10,000 talents was 600,000 times more than the 100 denarii debt). Whereas the king totally cancels this monumental debt, asking no repayment whatsoever, his pitiless vassal seizes his own debtor by the throat to demand repayment. Not only does he refuse to pardon the paltry debt, but he throws the man in prison (cf. towing the car) to be tortured until he comes up with the money.
The point of this parable has nothing to do with the borrowing and lending practices Christians are to follow. It has everything to do with seeing our human affairs from God's perspective. Forgiveness relates directly to mercy. We forgive others because God took pity on us. And if we need more incentive to forgive than following the example of God, Jesus reminds us on more than one occasion that only to the extent we forgive others will we ourselves be forgiven (Matthew 6:12-15; 18:35; Luke 6:37).
Does this parable teach that forgiveness is only for those who ask forgiveness? After all, both debtors begin by asking for time to pay. And didn't the apostle John write that IF we confess, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins (1 John 1:9)? It is certainly easier to forgive someone who admits to wrongdoing than to pardon someone who brazenly continues to behave in the same unkind, unjust, or unreasonable manner without any hint of remorse.
Scripture should never be used to accommodate our own human agenda. Although we as resentful people want to believe that forgiveness has its limits, what shall we do with the example of Jesus on the cross (Luke 23:34) or of Stephen as he was stoned to death (Acts 7:60)? Certainly, the executioners of Jesus never asked for forgiveness or showed any regret for their behavior. When Jesus commands non-retaliation in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:38-42), he does not set conditions. Instead he concludes by saying, as the Revised English Bible translates, "There must be no limit to your goodness, as your heavenly Father's goodness knows no bounds" (Matthew 5:48). Forgiveness, Jesus says, like mercy, can have no preordained limits.
QUESTIONS
1.What is the most difficult situation you have been called upon to forgive? How did you feel and do you still feel about trying to forgive that offense against you?
2.In Romans 12:21, Paul says, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Do you know of an instance where someone overcame evil with good?
3.This parable seems to link an unforgiving spirit with ingratitude. What connection, if any, is there between forgiveness and gratitude?
4.Peter's question concerns a "brother." Must we forgive a non-Christian enemy or is our obligation to forgive limited to fellow Christians? Does forgiveness mean you don't sue someone who wrongs you or press charges against someone who assaults you?
5.Are Christians to forgive and forget? If you forgive someone, can you nevertheless remain cool and distant? Can you limit your contact with that other person for fear they may hurt you again?
6.Sometimes it is said that a person is "too proud" to forgive. What relationship do you find between pride and the unwillingness to forgive?
Comments (4)
What a wonderful essay. Thank you.
Posted by Sid Leavitt | June 9, 2007 4:40 PM
Posted on June 9, 2007 16:40
Nice post. You are correct. I have found when I forgive someone, it's best to forget also. And I try to forgive, even when someone does not seek it. I find bitterness to be a weight I wish not to carry.
By the way, I posted a link to your article. Thanks for sharing.
God Bless,
Lynn E. Sheldon
Modern Day Discipleship|Small Group Study
Posted by Lynn Sheldon | August 6, 2008 6:02 AM
Posted on August 6, 2008 06:02
Hi,
Roman Catholics use this portion of scripture to teach Purgatory!
What do you think of that?
Posted by Leonardo de la Paor | December 22, 2011 5:06 PM
Posted on December 22, 2011 17:06
Hi,
NO FORGIVENESS FOR THE UNREPENTANT
“TAKE HEED TO YOURSELVES: IF THY BROTHER TRESPASS AGAINST THEE, REBUKE HIM; AND IF HE REPENT, FORGIVE HIM.....”
Luke 17:3
Luke 17:3 is the scripture often misquoted, usually by an abuser or his Silent Partners, when he tells you that the Bible says 'Forgive and Forget', or that you must forgive him because you are a Christian. However, Jesus is very specific when He tells us to rebuke the sinner, and if he repents, to forgive him. Have you rebuked your abuser, and has he or she repented?
The Bible tells us to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13).God forgives us when we come to him, confess our sin, ask for forgiveness (apologize) and repent (turn from our sinful ways).( Ezekiel 33:10-19, Isaiah 55:6, Jeremiah 6:16 & 26:3, Luke 13:3 & 5, Acts 3:19). He does not forgive those who are 'stiff-necked', continue doing evil, or refuse to repent. The Lord does not expect more of us than he himself is willing to do! Do we imagine ourselves to be holier than God? God requires repentance, and so must we.
Have you ever had it happen that when you rebuked an abuser, not only did she refuse to apologize, repent, or change her hurtful behavior, but she then proceeded to smugly inform you that “God forgives her” because “God forgives everything”, and that the Bible says that you have to forgive her, too? I have, more than once.
And all I can say to that is, “Nice try.” Because it’s just not true. Biblical forgiveness doesn’t work that way. Not even close. God forgives everybody who REPENTS, not everybody who doesn’t repent, and continues sinning. Repentance means turning from one’s sinful ways and changing one’s LIFE. It does not mean continuing on as before, and it also does not mean stopping just one or two obnoxious behaviors while continuing all the rest, or even finding some new ones. It might surprise such self-righteous offenders to learn that God does NOT forgive “everybody”, and that he does NOT tell us to, either. In fact, there is NOT ONE INSTANCE in Scripture of the Lord forgiving anyone who remains “stiff-necked” (stubborn) and unrepentant.
Before one starts quoting the Bible, it might be a good idea to actually READ IT first. When ungodly people state that God’s Word says something that justifies or facilitates their wickedness, I just love to hand them a Bible and ask them to show me exactly where it says that. Usually, they get all flustered, angry, or embarrassed, and quickly change the subject or storm off in a huff. If, by some remote chance, they can actually find the Scripture they’re referring to (and conveniently misinterpreting), then we can read it in context and explore it together- but that hasn’t happened to me yet!
Those who know the Lord and study his Word know that he has such a heart of love for the downtrodden and the broken-hearted, and that he desires us to be free of every kind of bondage. God’s Word is infallible, and God does not play mean little tricks on abuse victims. He NEVER says anything that would make it easier for a sinner to keep on sinning or an abuser to keep on abusing. To even suggest otherwise is to reveal a profound ignorance of God’s divine nature.
Biblically speaking, NO ONE gets forgiven without changing his ways and turning to God and godliness. The New Testament includes an additional requirement for meriting forgiveness- accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Savior (and no one who has genuinely done that can continue abusing others). Abusers would just love an excuse to obligate us to forgive them without the slightest effort to make amends, commitment to change, or anything expected of them at all. It’s the Abuser’s Dream Gig- to be able to commit one evil deed after another with impunity, and then pervert the Word of God by claiming that others have to repeatedly and unconditionally forgive her. This is utter nonsense.
BE NOT DECEIVED; GOD IS NOT MOCKED: FOR WHATSOEVER A MAN SOWETH, THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP….Galatians 6:7.
The Bible is not an excuse for abusive people to have a field day without ever suffering any consequences. Distorting the Word of God to get away with evil is an indication of the demonic nature of such people, not of their innocence and good intentions. Ask any deliverance minister and you will learn that twisting God’s Word to facilitate evil is one of the most common tactics used by demons.
Abusers by definition wouldn’t have the slightest idea what the Bible REALLY says about forgiveness, or anything else. It’s not like they spend a lot of time studying God’s Word and applying it to their lives. They’re just repeating something they heard somewhere along the line, and twisting it to suit their own purposes. They’re using what they imagine Scripture says to pressure us and guilt us into forgiving them when they have done nothing whatsoever to deserve our forgiveness.
Some abusers like to call themselves Christians, because it enables them to get away with abusive behavior more frequently without being challenged or confronted. These people might actually be familiar with Scripture, and then use it, twist it, and take it out of context to justify their behavior and attempt to deceive us into forgiving them when no forgiveness is warranted. But talk is cheap. We need to study the Bible concerning this, and pray for the discernment and wisdom to distinguish between REAL Christians and PRETEND Christians- those who are conveniently “Christian” only when it suits them. One big clue is that REAL Christians ACT LIKE real Christians. This means they do NOT mistreat other people.
The Bible does in fact tell us that we should forgive as the Lord forgave us (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32). But there are requirements for forgiveness. If we read in more depth and in context about God forgiving us, including the hows, whys and under what circumstances, we will see that he only forgives us when we come to him in the spirit of remorse, change our lives through his Son, ask for forgiveness, and repent (CHANGE). So if we are to forgive others as God forgives us, then we are to forgive them AFTER they have shown genuine remorse by the grace of Jesus’ cleansing blood, and AFTER they have repented (CHANGED), NOT BEFORE. That is the formula for forgiveness which God models for us, and that is the formula which he instructs us to follow.
Other Scriptural examples of the Lord forgiving us IF AND WHEN WE REPENT are written in Ezekiel 33:10-20, Isaiah 55:6-7, Jeremiah 6:16-30 & 26:3, Luke 13:3 & 5, Acts 3:19. These are just a few of the examples we can study that will educate us about God’s prerequisites and requirements for forgiveness.
We are not to cheapen the gift of forgiveness by giving it prematurely or undeservedly, to those who demand it and act as if they are entitled to it, and yet have done nothing to merit it. The Lord’s higher purpose is to change men’s hearts and make them turn from evil, give up their wicked ways, and choose to follow HIM instead of Satan. He does that by requiring repentance before forgiveness, not by giving evildoers a free ride.
In Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us very clearly that we are to forgive someone who sins against us IF he repents. He does NOT tell us to forgive everyone, including those who have absolutely no remorse and fully intend to continue abusing others and behaving badly. That would be preposterous and contradictory. God does not do nonsensical things that do not serve his ultimate purpose of bringing all men into his grace and his presence.
When an abuser refuses to change his ways, stop abusing, and start doing good, we are unable to grant him forgiveness. When we cannot forgive him because of his intention to continue repeating his wickedness, then God does not forgive him, either.
AGAIN JESUS SAID, “PEACE BE WITH YOU! AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, I AM SENDING YOU.” AND WITH THAT HE BREATHED ON THEM AND SAID, “RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT. IF YOU FORGIVE ANYONE HIS SINS, THEY ARE FORGIVEN; IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE THEM, THEY ARE NOT FORGIVEN”….John 20: 21-22 NIV.
God does not want us to continue to be abused. And he does not want us to allow abusers to continue their abuse with no consequences. In fact, we are told numerous times to shun evildoers ( some of these Scriptures are: Proverbs 22:10, Proverbs 22: 24, Proverbs 23:9, Proverbs 24: 25, Proverbs 25: 4-5, Proverbs 24:24, Proverbs 26:24-26, Psalm 37:9, Psalm 119:115, Proverbs 19:19, Matthew 18: 15-17, Titus 3:10-11, and 1 Corinthians 5:11). Look up “rebuke” in a large Concordance, and you will also find dozens of references (see the section on Rebuking on our site).
The Bible teaches that all evil behavior has consequences. The only way to come into a state of grace is to give up sinfulness and walk in the ways of the Lord, in love for others. Abusers by nature could not care less about coming closer to God, and usually need some extra incentive to straighten up and fly right. That incentive is often some kind of social censure, which may, for a particular individual, include our refusal to forgive him until and if he has earned it.
There are times that God will use us in this way to bring a person into repentance and to him. By forgiving unremorseful evildoers, we are not helping them and we are not serving God’s purposes. We are depriving them of the opportunity to repent and transform their lives, to truly accept Jesus as their Savior so their sins can be washed away, and to walk forever with our Father. By interfering with God’s Law of Sowing and Reaping, we are preventing God’s purpose from being fulfilled in that individual’s life.
The Lord requires that we do our part in bringing others to repentance.
SON OF MAN, I HAVE MADE YOU A WATCHMAN FOR THE HOUSE OFISRAEL; SO HEAR THE WORD I SPEAK AND GIVE THEM WARNING FROM ME. WHEN I SAY TO THE WICKED, “O WICKED MAN, YOU WILL SURELY DIE,” AND YOU DO NOT SPEAK OUT TO DISSUADE HIM FROM HIS WAYS, THAT WICKED MAN WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, AND I WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS BLOOD. BUT IF YOU DO WARN THE WICKED MAN TO TURN FROM HIS WAYS AND HE DOES NOT DO SO, HE WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, BUT YOU WILL HAVE SAVED YOURSELF.”…Ezekiel 33:7-9.
So despite attempts by ungodly people to mislead, deceive or pressure us, we need to stand firm in the knowledge that the Lord does not forgive those who are 'stiff-necked' , refuse to repent, and intend to continue in their sinful ways, and he does not expect us to, either. There is no such thing as unconditional forgiveness. There are CONDITIONS on receiving forgiveness, there is a REASON for those conditions, and the conditions are repentance and turning from one’s evil ways. Forgiveness is not to be given just because someone simply demands it, or insists he is entitled to it. It is only to be offered to those who are truly worthy of it.
Posted by Leonardo de la Paor | December 22, 2011 5:11 PM
Posted on December 22, 2011 17:11